Menopause Conversations in the Work Place
If you spend 5 minutes in any menopause support group or forum you will leave wondering how the heck any woman manages to keep a job whilst experiencing the often debilitating effects of menopause. The answer: women are bloody rockstars (no pun intended!). They find a way to cope and to manage, even when it feels impossible and potentially damages their mental health because they can’t talk openly about what is going on for fear of jeopardising their career prospects.
And the reality is that although many women find some way to keep going, many others have had to leave their jobs, slow down their careers, or take a different path because of the severity of the symptoms they are experiencing, and because the workplace simply isn’t set up to support this time of life.
As someone who works from home I feel very lucky to not have to answer to a boss or colleagues when symptoms strike and leave me feeling less useful than a meat platter in a vegan restaurant. In fact, a recent poll of 2,000 women carried out by Vitabiotics Menopace (a menopause supplement), showed that many women struggle to talk about menopause and feel uncomfortable discussing it at work for fear of ridicule or discrimination. Whilst there were indications that things are slowly beginning to change, especially as more celebrities open up about their experiences, and that more women are talking to their girlfriends and beginning to open up to partners, 1 in 5 women admitted to being unwilling to talk to their boss. Overall it seems that a lingering sense of shame around menopause (and, I’d go so far as to say, menstruation in general) still exists, along with the fact that a lack of knowledge in others leaves women feeling isolated - 41% said that female friends & colleagues yet to go through menopause found it difficult to understand what they were dealing with.
So, what can we do about it?
The first thing is to check our own attitude towards menopause. I’m going to be quite honest here and say that whilst I have had amazing support from many people, some of the harshest and ‘judgiest’ comments have come from other females who feel that by not ‘keeping quiet and carrying on’ I am somehow doing women a disservice or damaging everything women have fought for in the workplace and life. I’d argue that the whole point of feminism is to allow women to show up as women and not be discriminated against, it isn’t about us pretending to be men! As women we have to lead the way in menopause support and education. If you haven’t hit peri-menopause yet then take the time to listen to those who are going through it and learn from them - you have no idea what it is going to be like for you until it hits. If you are in peri-menopause or out the other side, then it’s also good to remember that nobody has the same experience; if you breezed through or only had a couple of irritating symptoms then your experience will be very different to someone who was floored with truly debilitating symptoms, and vice versa. Menopause isn’t a competition, it’s a chance for women to support each other. Drop the judgement and comparison game, it doesn’t help anyone.
It’s also important that we all get comfortable talking about what is happening to us with those close to us. Whilst the poll showed that 17% of women didn’t feel they could tell their children what they were going through, that does mean that most women feel at least a little more comfortable. My children are all used to me being fairly open about everything so they are WELL aware of the effects menopause is having on me, and my daughters will hopefully be way more prepared and educated than I was. When we open up dialogue with our children we help to ensure that the taboo is broken and that their generation will have a completely different way of looking at menopause. As mums, when we are embarrassed about something or treat it as something that should be kept quiet, we are teaching our daughters (and sons) that these are things not to talk about, which perpetuates a culture of silence and, to a certain degree, shame. We need to include our partners in the conversation too. Most men want to support their wives but have no idea how to do that at this stage of life. And, let’s be fair, that’s not really surprising because we are figuring it all out ourselves. Telling them how you feel, what is going on, and sharing other women’s experiences and what you are reading/learning will allow them to see what it is like. As well as making them more understanding of your menopause experience it will also help them be more understanding of their female colleagues. Imagine how nice it would be to hear a male colleague say ‘Oh, I get it, my wife is going through this too.’
The more we talk to those we love and trust the easier it will be to talk to colleagues and employers, which in turn will lead to more positive workplace policies being put in place to support women during menopause.
Conversation really is the only way to shift attitudes towards menopause. It isn’t an illness, it isn’t a weakness, it is something that every single female will go through. Let’s make it easier for ourselves, our female colleagues, and future generations of women by talking about it.
